Disneyland

It's nearly impossible to give Disneyland a rating. I mean, everyone should go to Disneyland at least once. It's Disneyland. If you were like me, and couldn't afford the Disney channel growing up, D-land isn't necessarily going to be as magical as it is for some people. But I'm sure most of you (at least most people who would be reading this blog) have seen all of the Disney classics and have a special place in your heart that gets all warm when you hear "When You Wish Upon A Star."

So, I will leave Disneyland rating-less. It's just too hard. The entrance price is ridiculous, and the food tastes like asshole, but there's fireworks every night, and a parade every day, and oh my God they brought back Captain EO.

Captain EO was by far my favourite ride. I hadn't heard of it before I went, but apparently it was a big thing back in the 80's. I was told that Michael Jackson was involved, so I was all for seeing it, but had no idea what I was in for. Turns out what I was in for was a short film about Michael Jackson as the captain of an alien spaceship and his muppet crew. They go to some outerspace junkyard land that is ruled by the Supreme Leader that looks like the alien from Alien mixed with Medusa, except with snakes for legs instead of hair. Then MJ's rainbow shirt lights up and he turns the Supreme Leader's evil guards into backup dancers with his special Care Bear Stare. They dance and sing then MJ gives the Supreme Leader the ultimate gift - he turns her into Anjelica Huston. So basically what I'm saying is that it was the best movie I've ever seen. AND, it was in 3D so Michael Jackson dances, like, ON your face. Worth the entire trip to Disneyland.

I'm also a big fan of Space Mountain.

So, go to Disneyland if you haven't been. Watch Captain EO and buy a big gay rainbow shirt in the store afterward. Ride Space Mountain. Give your kids nightmares by taking the time to go to Walt Disney's Enchanted Tiki House (as my friend put it, "You sit in this room and fake birds sing at you for 8 minutes." - It was exactly that, but I will add that it is terrifying and that outside is one big slightly offensive Dole commercial).

Know before you go:

1. Avoid the Pizza Port. I'm assuming anywhere else you decide to eat would be a better choice.


2. Lots of people in Los Angeles work for Disney. These people can get you in for free. So check with your friends before you go to avoid having to sell a limb to gain entrance.


3. Check each ride to see if they give out single rider passes. You will be able to avoid most of the line, and often end up riding with your party anyway.

For your enjoyment, I'm including a video of part of Captain EO. It's not in 3D and isn't the whole show, so you may want to hold off and just see the real thing. But just in case you're dying to see it (as you should be), here it is: